Category Archives: Just wondering around

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Thanks for the help regarding my MIA posts. Lesson learned… I hope. I am new to this so I’m sure I will make more mistakes. I just hope it doesn’t cost me 2 of my best ramblings. lol

It is late and my son is in bed with us 🙂 fussing again. He needs everything in place to go to sleep. Meaning I must be in bed too. I like to stay up late, because I like the feeling of calm and quiet. I am not disturbed by little people needing me to be present with them in their space… i.e. being mommy.

Laying in bed tonight helping my son fall asleep since he needs everything just so before he does, I questioned out loud to my husband and the universe to try to understand how I ended up have children, not one but two. I was 28 when I married my first husband who died in 2007. We met in Oct were married in Jan and I found out I was pregnant with my daughter in Feb. Wham Bam Thank you mama. She was born in Oct. We named her after my mom who past away in March. Then, I met my current husband online 🙂 in 2010. We met in April, married in October, and I found out I was pregnant in June of 2011. Wow. I never really “dated” either man in a traditional way. We spent time together talking about marriage and family. I guess I prefer it that way. I am not good at playing hard to get or waiting for someone to decide I am good enough to be his wife after 3 years of my life. Did that once… never again.

Although, my marriages were unconventual, do believe there was order and purpose to what I always thought was impulsivity as a result of not enough meds and trying my best to reach a goal… what goal.

I’ve been married over 3 years now. 1 year longer than the first marriage! My husband and I tolerate each other. We care for the other’s well-being but.. there is no love there. We share space and children. I guess that is what I was going for when I met and married my husbands the way I did.

Most nights, I hate to go to sleep. To wake up another morning, in the same house, same relationship, same routine feeling unfifulled and stuck.